What is CNC Sex?

What does CNC stand for? It stands for consensual non-consent. It is a kink that belongs to the BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) community and is often a kink that someone is ashamed of having. 

After all, violence is almost always frowned upon. 

But this isn’t actually the case when it comes to CNC sex.

Is there a better definition of CNC sex? Yes, there is! 

What is CNC sex?

CNC sex is when two people have non-consensual sex but they’ve actually given consent beforehand. 

In other words, it’s not really non-consensual because everything that happens has been pre-agreed. This gives full meaning to the name ‘consensual non-consent’. 

By doing this, safety is ensured. But there are other ways to make sure that safety is always considered. 

For example, having a safe word. Also, both partners know that they can withdraw consent at any time.

No one should ever be made to do what they don’t want to do, and if they do, the act stops becoming consensual and becomes non-consensual, and thus a serious crime.

Different ways to practice CNC sex

There are different ways to have CNC sex with a partner such as:

Doing a rape role play

Doing a kidnapping role play

Doing a blackmailing role play

Doing an interrogation role play

There’s also something called somnophilia, which is when one partner pre-agrees to be played with or penetrated while they’re asleep.

Is it healthy to have a CNC sex fantasy?

As we mentioned above, having an interest in or enjoying CNC sex can be a difficult kink to have because of what it entails. 

A lot of people may feel ashamed, guilty, or embarrassed to admit that they have these kinds of fantasies, but in actuality, CNC sex is a totally normal and healthy kink to have if practiced healthily and responsibly.

And, if you believe that this kind of fantasy isn’t very common, you may be interested in these two studies:

One study showed that 62% of women fantasize about CNC sex.

Another study showed that 61% of women, 54% of men, and 68% of non-binary people fantasize about having CNC sex.

Why do people like CNC sex?

Now that we know that CNC sex is a common fantasy, you may be wondering why? Do those who like it possibly have mental issues? Actually, no! There’s no link between sexual behaviour such as CNC sex and mental disorders.

Well, thanks to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, we have some answers for you. He did a study on the topic to find out why it’s so common. 

Some of the reasons include:

Having an overactive imagination

Fantasising more often

Having sensation-seeking personalities

Having the desire to be wanted

Lehmiller has also mentioned that there may be a link between this kink and survivors of sexual assault. 

These individuals may have these fantasies because it could be a way for them to take control of a situation that they previously did not have the ability to do. In this way, it could help them heal.

How to practice safe CNC sex

Now we know that CNC sex is a common kink, and we know that it can be a healthy kink… but only if it’s done safely. 

Here are some ways you can enjoy CNC sex with a partner while keeping safe:

1. Having boundaries

Before you want to have CNC sex, you should talk openly and honestly with your partner. During this conversation you can discuss what you like and what you don’t like. For example, you may enjoy it when they put their hand on your throat but you may not like it when they spit in your mouth. You can tell your partner what they can and cannot do to you. In this way, you are giving consent before you start any sexual activity. 

2. Having a contract

If having a verbal conversation doesn’t seem enough, a written contract could be created. This could be very useful because sometimes one or both partners may not remember everything that is said. In this contract, all boundaries can be outlined, and other important information can be added such as a safeword, the activities you’re going to engage in, and aspects of aftercare.

3.Having a safe word

A safe word is a word or signal that is used to immediately end any kind of play or scene. So if one partner is feeling uncomfortable or wants to bring all kinds of activity to an end, they will use their safe word. You can choose one or more safe words. For example, you can use one word and that will tell your partner to stop. Or, you can use three, such as: green means you’re having fun, orange means to slow it down, and red means to stop.

4. Practice Aftercare

Aftercare is a term used in BDSM and it’s when one partner gives the other some support. Given the nature of CNC sex, aftercare is something that is important. During this time, partners could cuddle up together, kiss, have a shower together, engage in pillow talk, perhaps eat, or even drink some water and be with each other. 

To conclude, it’s obvious that CNC sex is more common than you might have thought. And if you are interested in having it, there’s no reason to have negative feelings about it. The only thing is to make sure that you’re being safe.

This includes finding the right person to enjoy CNC sex with, to talk about your boundaries beforehand, and to have a safe word. 

And remember: it can be an exciting experience, but be sure to keep it safe, sane, and consensual at all times.