Sexuality and Aging
Senior sex… It’s happening, it’s healthy, and it’s fun! Many people may believe that as we get older, sex declines. And what a shame that would be.
FYI: sex doesn’t become less fun as we age. It has the power to be better!
Sure, our bodies change, sometimes sex can be more challenging or different, but some positives come with getting older and sexuality.
Let’s take a little walk through how your sex drive changes over the years, how to stay sexually healthy and confident as the years go by, and how to see ageing as not a decline, but rather a way of evolving and getting a deeper self-understanding.
Exciting times ahead!
What is a sex drive?
A sex drive can also be known as a libido, and it’s a person’s desire for sexual activity.
So, if someone has a high sex drive, they may want to engage in sexual activity more often. If they have a low sex drive, they may not be as interested in sexual activity.
Someone’s sex drive can change from minute to minute, day to day, year to year.
How does your sex drive change throughout the years?
In your 20’s
For men, testosterone is high which can cause a high sex drive. At the same time, they might feel anxious because of inexperience which could actually cause temporary erectile dysfunction (ED).
For women, they’re more fertile which may make them more picky when it comes to choosing sexual partners. As they inch closer to the end of their 20’s, their sex drive may rise.
In your 30’s and early 40’s
Men generally still continue to have a high sex drive, but they might be a bit more anxious about work/life responsibilities which could affect that.
Women usually have the highest sex drive at this age, and tend to have more sex around this age than at any other age.
In your 50’s and beyond
For men, ED becomes more common but this is not always because of ageing; it could be because of health conditions like diabetes or high cholesterol, or the medications that treat them.
Women in their 50’s don’t have to worry about getting pregnant anymore, so that’s a stress relief that may make them more interested in having sex. Then again, menopause could cause them not to want to be sexual. Some of the side effects are vaginal dryness and hot flashes, which can make one feel ‘not in the mood’.
But that doesn’t mean senior sex is not on the cards. Anything but…
How to increase your sex drive as you age
The things that people experience in their 50’s and beyond are manageable.
For men, testosterone replacement therapy is an option as it could restore their sex drive. There are other options too if there are issues like ED. Using a cock ring vibrator for example can help them get bigger and longer lasting erections.
For women, there’s a simple solution for things like vaginal dryness… cue lubrication! Using a generous amount of water-based lube can help solve a lot of discomfort during sexual activity.
For other health-related issues, talking with a doctor or a psychologist could be a great way to make lifestyle changes, change medications that could be causing a lower libido, or work through any issues that are making you feel less sexual.
After all, in your 50’s and beyond, you are sexually fit to have an active sex life, and you deserve to be enjoying it, too!
Maintaining sexual health for enjoyable senior sex
Sexual feelings don’t disappear as you age, but the way intimacy is experienced can differ. This is fine, though! We’ve all had to learn how to adapt and change over time… sexuality is no different.
Some good news is that some people tend to feel more body positive as they age.
They may feel more comfortable in their bodies, feel more confident to talk about what they want in sex, and have a deeper understanding of themselves and know what they like. This is always a plus when it comes to intimacy.
Cold, hard facts… sex can get better with age!
Meet Dr. Linda Kirkman, a sexologist who did some interesting research on senior sex for her PhD. “Research shows… that people in their 50s and 60s were having the best sex of their lives,” she says.
Why? Well apparently it’s because there’s a shift in societal pressure and what’s expected of us in relationships as we get older.
She also talks about how people’s sexuality and bodies change over time;
“When you were in your 20s, what car did you drive and what music did you listen to? And then in your 40s, and what about in your 60s?” she says.
“You’re not driving the same car. The car you drive now will have very different kinds of capacities and options from the car you drove when you were 20 — so don’t expect your body or the way that you engage with it to be the same,”.
It’s true. And this is why it’s important to take care of your body as you age… to be physically and sexually fit. We’ll take a look at that below, but before we do… let’s take a look at a man named Phil, 67 years old, who gave some insights into his senior sex life:
“You become more aware, more unselfish in your actions, and unhurried in the whole thing and that’s just wonderful,” he says. “You realise that when you’re a young bloke … you’re looking to satisfy yourself, it can be very selfish. But when you grow older, you become much more generous,” he continued.
It’s quite evident, isn’t it? Senior sex is just as interesting and important! Here are some ways to maintain a healthy senior sex life:
1. Communicate
A partnership involves two people, so if one of you feels a change in your sex drive, talking about it can help a lot. This is because, if your partner suddenly feels a decrease in sex drive you may believe that it’s your fault and that might make you feel less desirable. And if your partner suddenly has an increase in sex drive, you may feel as though you cannot give them what they want as you could then have mismatched libidos. Talking about it together could mean making a few changes to improve and enjoy your sex life once again.
2. Experiment
It’s never too late to experiment and to reconnect with your body. Why not talk to your partner about some new or lingering sexual ideas that you have? It could be role playing or trying a new position, or it could be introducing a new sex toy into the mix. A vibrator, for example, something smaller and non-intimidating, can be sensual and exciting.
3. Change your routine
If you’re finding it more difficult to get aroused, maybe it’s time to ‘up’ the foreplay. Change things up now and again, and maybe make more time for a bit of romance before intercourse. The buildup of anticipation and the slowness of erotica can be very powerful. Go back to basics, as if you were teenagers again.
4. Maintain/start healthy habits
Some lifestyle changes can indeed make a big difference in the way you experience sex drive and desire. Maybe you could work together with your partner to be more mindful about what you’re eating, possibly getting some regular exercise, and following up on routine medical check-ups to stay physically and sexually fit.
5. Seek a sex therapist
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of inspiration when it comes to the bedroom. Visiting a sex therapist doesn’t mean there’s something wrong. It could just mean that you’re looking for some new ideas on how to keep your sexual appetite alive and interesting.
You see, senior sex isn’t something to feel weird about. It’s a completely normal and natural thing to enjoy. No matter the age, we all have that hot-blooded flair within us! And it’s just as important to embrace our sexual desires in a safe way when we’re in our 20’s and when we’re in our 50’s and beyond.
Yes, our bodies change, but if we learn to love them and nurture them, that self-love and body confidence will follow us into the bedroom allowing for wonderful, possibly better, sexual experiences.
