Does Sex Aftercare Improve Intimacy?
Sex and intimacy go hand-in-hand, and for many couples, sex doesn’t end at climax. Lots of couples find that it’s the aftercare that creates the memorable and intimate experiences that bring them closer together.
It’s in those moments, when couples feel both physically and emotionally close, that they’re able to feel true intimacy and openness with a partner and this can help to strengthen the relationship both inside and outside of the bedroom.
What is aftercare?
What exactly is aftercare when it comes to sex? Aftercare is the physical and emotional support offered by both partners.
Traditionally, it’s often been associated with physical aftercare in BDSM communities, but it’s something that can be applied to many different relationships and a variety of intimate and sexual experiences.
Sex can be both physically intense and emotionally vulnerable, and aftercare helps couples to reconnect, recover, and reflect in a way that will strengthen intimacy and bring them closer together.
What does aftercare look like?
Aftercare routines look different for every couple, and can be different every single time, but what are some of the most common forms of aftercare?
Verbal aftercare like saying “I love you” or “That was amazing”.
Cuddling, spooning, or prolonged skin-to-skin contact.
Cleaning up together or showering together.
Using soothing products for physical aches and sensitive areas.
Sharing a drink and snack, or ordering food together.
Watching TV or enjoying a movie together.
Talking openly with each other about sex and intimacy, likes and dislikes, and the experience.
Why is aftercare important?
It’s not uncommon for emotions to be raw after sex, and many also feel the physical effects of an active session. Aftercare allows you and your partner to offer support in whatever form it might be needed at the time.
This can be incredibly important for strengthening your relationship.
Open communication about sex and intimacy
Being open in these more vulnerable moments after sex can build intimacy over time and bring you closer together.
Try questions like:
“What did you enjoy most?”
“Is there anything you’d like to do differently next time?”
“Is there anything you need from me right now?”
Be open in your discussions, listen to your partner’s answers, and try to take them on board to build a supportive aftercare routine.
Supporting physical recovery
Aftercare isn’t always just emotional. After particularly intense sex, you may feel physically sore, tired, or overstimulated.
Gentle care, like a warm towel or soothing balm, can help to ease any physical discomfort, whilst applying it can be an intimate activity that may bring you closer together.
Similarly, taking a nap together or making sure you’re hydrating and eating can be great for your physical recovery and a good activity to do together.
What Aftercare Looks Like in Real Relationships
With all of these benefits in mind, what does aftercare look like for real couples? Routines can be different for everyone so it’s about finding something that works for all parties.
Real couples share their aftercare routines
“And my husband always cuddles in bed afterwards, watches TV, and falls asleep in each other’s arms.”
“I offer to hold him. Men need aftercare too, sometimes, especially after a scene or trying something new. Aftercare does not have to be fancy or over-the-top.”
“We immediately get up and wash together (keyword together) and then come back in and debrief. Later, we ordered some food and got some snacks together.”
“We apply a warm, moist cloth to sensitive areas… then we have ice cream.”
“My husband and I love to kiss and cuddle! Then a nice long shower is so refreshing!”
Creating your aftercare routine
How can you create an aftercare routine that is intimate and suits you and your partner’s post-sex needs?
Just start small.
Choose just 2 or 3 very simple things that you both enjoy and try to do them together after sex.
Example:
- Cuddling for a few minutes longer after sex.
- Ask each other about how you are feeling.
- Sharing some snacks to re-fuel as you talk.
Your aftercare routine is something you should be looking forward to, it’s not an obligation but an opportunity to bring you closer together.
Sometimes it might lead to round two, and sometimes it might end in you both taking a nap. Both of these are okay.
Aftercare must help you look after each other in whatever way you might need at that moment.
Aftercare as a love language
Aftercare isn’t just about the physical recovery after sex, it’s about creating a safe space where both partners feel valued and cared for.
For many, it’s a love language, routine, and one of the easiest ways to make sex intimate and meaningful.
FAQs
Answering frequently asked questions about sex aftercare.
Is sex aftercare only for kink or BDSM?
No, aftercare is something that can improve intimacy in all kinds of sexual relationships. It can also describe emotional aftercare and openness between you and your partner.
Physical aftercare is more commonly discussed in kink and BDSM communities, but it is something that many partnerships can benefit from.
What if my partner doesn’t want aftercare?
Aftercare can take many different forms and it may be that your partner is seeking something different. Some prefer to have some space whilst others want physical contact.
It’s important that you respect your partner’s wishes and you may want to ask them about it.
Share how it helps you feel safe and connected, and ask what helps them to feel the same.
What are good products for sex aftercare?
Gentle balms, hydrating wipes and warm cloths can all be useful products for physical aftercare.
You could also explore vibrators and toys for more intimate physical contact or if you like, massages as a form of aftercare.
You might also want blankets or snacks ready if you want to cuddle together after sex.
Can aftercare improve our relationship?
Absolutely. Aftercare is about paying attention to your partner both physically and emotionally. Both of these things can help to strengthen your relationship.
It’s about finding ways to offer physical and emotional support at a time when the body can feel tired and your partner can feel emotionally vulnerable.
